Are Men Intimidated by Strong Women?

Are you a fiercely strong and proud woman who believes you’re single because men are threatened by women with a certain kind of energy?

I think we’ve met - I believe we dated for a few months?

It didn’t work out - not because you’re not lovable, not because you’re not desirable and not because you were too capable and strong; I respected and admired those qualities in you and the events in life that required that you become so strong.

I remember what you told me about how you’ve had to fight to become the success you are today. I listened with both pain and admiration to the injustices you survived, the love you deserved and never received, the men who took advantage of you and the narcissists from your past relationships who tried to destroy you.

Becoming a self-made woman gave you the power and freedom to live a life of your choosing. I respect and admire you for that.

But here’s the reason why I let go...

You’re stuck in a fight that needed you when it needed you, but it doesn’t require the warrioress anymore.

What I really wanted was to get to know the deeper parts of you - the parts underneath the armor and sword that it took time for you to let go of at the end of every day.

What I wanted was to feel a woman step through the door but every time I tried to connect, your energy would be focused on a battle you were dealing with, and if there was ever discomfort or a misunderstanding between us I’d feel the tip of a sword against my throat.

I didn’t choose a woman easier than you.

I didn’t choose a woman less complicated than you.

I chose a woman who trusted me enough to put down her sword and allowed herself to live without armor around her heart.

I chose a woman who trusted me enough to be open to uncomfortable conversations.

Uncomfortable conversations never felt safe with you. The first time I touched on something sensitive with you I wasn’t sure I’d come out in one piece.

With you I felt like I was fighting against the history of all your past relationships - I was never going to be able to make up for all of that.

I was never afraid of your strength - it was the pain and sensitivity underneath a hair trigger and your explanation of, “That’s just who I am and I’m not changing for anyone!”

I never wanted you to change and I never said I didn’t want you to be strong.

All I ever wanted was for you to let me in, to realize that you didn’t have to be alone with what you were feeling and be willing to grow together in overcoming the challenges and unfairness of life.

But maybe you’re a strong woman who feels she’s never dated the kind of man who was strong enough to hold space for her.

Strong capable men have learned to recognize the “badass warrioress” from a distance and give her plenty of space to swing her sword. He’s not afraid of your strength, it’s just that he’s not prepared to become an unintentional casualty of the big swings you take.

It took me a couple of relationships, but eventually I learned to read the signs of a woman still in the fight.

I realized that I couldn’t rescue her no matter how hard I tried. It just wasn’t safe being around a partner with such a wickedly sharp blade who could go from zero to one hundred without warning.

It wasn’t intimidation - it was constant confusion being with you. Underneath that armor was a very feminine essence, but the work it took every day before you felt safe enough to drop into it was exhausting. I kept waiting for you to feel safe enough to leave the armor and put down the sword, but the moment we spent time apart you’d suit up, head out and then it would take time all over again when we’d meet to unwind before I’d get to connect with the softer parts again.

You did inspire me though. You’re part of the reason I began this page because when you were being vulnerable I got to experience the most remarkable parts of you and I always believed those parts of you would be such an amazing gift for any man who could experience them uninterrupted.

It breaks my heart to do mentoring calls with women who have gotten stuck in the fight and who live out of their head because it’s never felt safe to live with full vulnerability of the heart.

Every week I hear from women who are worried about the timeline of having children of their own or who feel alone in the responsibilities of raising them and that they don’t have the kinds of masculine role models they’d hope them to have.

You’ve always deserved that and it’s not fair that you felt you were forced to fight when you should have been able to trust and love.

The man who was designed to be your partner is keeping his distance until he senses you’re safe enough to be vulnerable and that he doesn’t have to do battle with you to prove he’s strong enough to hold a safe space for your heart.

When you’re ready to risk that vulnerability I encourage you to to be in touch.