Being Single Means You've Chosen to Love Yourself Better

Being single or partnered make little difference on Valentine's Day. Ok, that's not entirely true, because more breakups occur Valentine's Day than any other due to all of the expectations we have loaded on this arbitrary celebration. If being single today has you down, I'd like to share how being alone taught me what love really is. 

As a man, I'm likely not as affected by how I feel about my relationship status on Feb 14, but I spent New Years Eve alone 3 years ago, no partner, no family, no friends and no kids. It became a pivotal moment in my life as I noticed that I could be happy when I was alone because I respected and trusted myself. 

After years of dating, I realized that evening that being single or 'alone' didn't reflect my desirability or character. Being single was a statement about how I felt about myself. 

1. BEING SINGLE IS A CHOICE

Company isn't that hard to find if you're lonely and willing to settle, so being single and spending time alone is a choice that implies you've raised your standards and are taking time to meet the right kind of people who meet them

2. LOVE BEGINS FROM WITHIN

The most important relationship we will ever have is the one we have with ourselves. The most attractive energy in the world is that of a person who is comfortable in their own skin, the moment we fall in love with ourselves is the moment we tell the universe we believe we're worthy of love. 

3. WE GET TO CHOOSE HOW WE FEEL

Happiness begins with the relationship we have with ourselves, not the degree to which we're appreciated by another. In fact, the more our feelings are connected to how someone else sees us, the more insecure and reactive we become. The moment I realized that *I* liked who I was I stopped worrying about what others thought about me. 

4. WE GET TO SET OUR OWN EXPECTATIONS 

Once I realized that the person in my most important relationship was me, I decided to focus my expectations on me and how I chose to show up in the world. Suddenly I was in control of the standard of life I would lead and the calibre of people I would attract. Instead of looking for the person who would accept or love me, I chose to be the kind of person I admired and then applied that sane high standard to who I wanted to share my time and energy with. 

5. WE'RE THE AUTHOR OF OUR OWN LOVE AND HAPPINESS

Sitting on my own at Midnight, I reflected on what I had achieved the previous year. I realized that I'd done more hard work and deserved more credit for that year than the 'easy' ones where life had been more ideal. 

Instead of feeling alone, I felt proud of the kind of person I was choosing to be and committed to do more of the same until I met someone with the same degree of courage and conviction to respect and work on themselves. 

You could have settled, but you didn't. You could have chosen an easier path, accepted codependency and stayed with someone who didn't respect you or themselves, but you know you're worth more than that. 

It's easy to settle for a relationship, it's a sign of strength to choose to love yourself, do the work so that you're ready and wait for a partner who is living with purpose and not simply potential. 

Keep loving yourself. You're making remarkable choices, even when it's difficult and you deserve to be acknowledged for it. If no one else is saying it to you today, I want you to know that I admire you. I'm impressed. I think you're making remarkable choices of courage and dignity out of respect for the quality of love you deserve.