Female Narcissists

LACK OF TRUST

You can never really trust what she says because it’s all a lie. She may come across as very charming and loving, but this is just a façade. 

Female narcissists are experts at manipulating people and they will use their charms to get what they want.

PLAYING THE VICTIM CARD

She will make you feel like you are the one who is crazy and that she is the victim. If you try to leave her or if you confront her about her behavior, she will make you feel like you are the one who is crazy and that she is the victim. She will use every trick in the book to make you doubt yourself and question your sanity.

IRRESPONSIBILITY

Female narcissists never take responsibility for their actions. They always blame someone else for their problems and they never accept responsibility for their own behavior.

ALWAYS AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE

There is always an ulterior motive with her actions. Female narcissists are always up to something. You can never really trust them because you never know what their true motives are.

ALL THEIR RELATIONSHIPS INVOLVE MANIPULATION

She will use manipulation to get what she wants. Whether it’s manipulating you emotionally or playing on your fears, they will do whatever it takes to get what they want. 

PRONE TO ANGER AND RAGE

Female narcissists can be very dangerous when they’re angry. Their anger and rage can be very frightening, especially if you are on the receiving end of it. If you see any signs of anger or rage in them, it’s best to get away from her as fast as possible.

YOU’LL ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ON GUARD

You can never relax because she is always watching and waiting for an opportunity to strike. If you notice that she seems to be constantly spying on you or monitoring your behavior, it’s a sign that she might be a narcissist.

INCAPABLE OF EMPATHY THEY ARE ABUSIVE AND DESTRUCTIVE

She will destroy you emotionally and even physically if she feels like she’s losing control. If you are in a relationship with a female narcissist, beware because she might do anything to keep you under her thumb. Whether it’s emotional abuse or physical violence, she will stop at nothing to maintain control over you.

A narcissist’s ability to feel depends on the emotion. They have no ability to empathize with others or show remorse for their actions. Their charm may make it look like they are showing emotion, however that charm is a mask and they do not have the ability to love and express genuine emotions.

In dangerous, scary, or stressful situations, narcissists may be unusually calm and composed. This is because of abnormalities in their brains that restrict their ability to experience normal fear and stress responses. These abnormalities are also believed to restrict a narcissist’s ability to experience other emotions like sadness, guilt, shame, and even positive emotions like joy or love.

Their personality develops in response to specific early childhood experiences like poor or neglectful parenting, a lack of early attachments, and experiencing trauma at a young age. 

AntiSocial Personality Disorder is widely considered one of the most difficult disorders to treat. Because sociopaths and narcissists have more severe forms of this condition, they often don’t respond well to therapy or other treatments. Their antisocial traits make them less likely to seek treatment on their own and can interfere with treatment when it’s mandated or required. 

Avoiding close relationships with these individuals is recommended, since they’re likely to behave in a violent or abusive manner . 

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10 SIGNS OF A FEMALE NARCISSIST

1. THEY DEVELOP RELATIONSHIPS IN ORDER TO HAVE CONTROL OVER AND ABUSE OTHERS

One of the traits of a female narcissist is the tendency to have relationships with the people they victimize.

Some female narcissists use the trust of those close to them to lie, con, or manipulate these people into giving them things. 

This tendency shows the cold-hearted nature of the female narcissist, who won’t feel bad about hurting or using others, even those closest to her.

2. THEY BACKSTAB AND ABUSE INDIRECTLY

Female narcissists use relational aggression like gossiping, excluding people, or forming alliances against someone.

Some may even threaten to self-harm in order to manipulate other people, or they may lash out at people when they’re upset, name-calling, gaslighting or becoming verbally abusive. 

3. THEY PLAY THE VICTIM CARD

One of the unique traits of female narcissists is their tendency to present themselves as a victim in order to get attention, pity, or to emotionally manipulate others to get what they want.

Female narcissists may use the victim card or play the “damsel in distress” to pull at the heartstrings of people who are empathetic, caring, or generous.

In some cases, female narcissists paint themselves as victims to avoid getting in trouble or being held accountable for their actions. 

4. THEY CAN’T HOLD THEIR ANGER INSIDE

They are irritable and prone to angry outbursts. Unlike a normal (non-narcissistic) person, most narcissistic women feel relieved after they lash out, instead of feeling guilty.

Female narcissists sometimes even feel entitled to their angry and aggressive responses, placing the blame on the other person. Their tendency to act on their pent-up anger and impulses is one of the reasons why female narcissists have a hard time functioning in relationships and experience social impairment. 

5. THEY HAVE NO CONSCIENCE ABOUT LYING TO GET THEIR WAY

Female narcissists tend to rely on deception and rather than ever take responsibility, come up with elaborate cover stories and lies. 

6. THEY WANT TO BE LOVED EVEN THOUGH THEY DON’T GIVE LOVE IN RETURN

Typically, people who have antisocial personality disorder develop strategic relationships to get things they want, and not because they have a true desire for connection or acceptance. 

Narcissist women are often more social and some even have a true desire to be accepted by people.

The problem is that because they tend to also be cruel and impulsive, they are unable to maintain healthy, lasting relationships. Instead, they are more likely to sabotage their relationships by victimizing those closest to them.

7. IF YOU’RE VULNERABLE THEY’LL USE IT AGAINST YOU

One form of relational aggression that’s common among female narcissists is the tendency to use personal information about other people against them. 

Female narcissists may use secret or personal information about other people against them as leverage to bribe, manipulate or control them.

Some will also gossip or spread rumors or lies about other people who they want to discredit, which is another form of relational aggression.

Someone who has known a female narcissist long enough will often feel a reluctance to be open or vulnerable around them because of this. 

8. THEY’RE COWARDS AND BACKSTABBERS

A female narcissist uses other people to do their dirty work for them.  They only personally attack others when they perceive no risk is possible, otherwise they recruit others to go on the attack for them.

Female narcissists will manipulate others to do their dirty work to “handle” their aggression towards others - making up convincing stories to friends, acquaintances, relatives, lawyers, police etc. 

They con or convince others to harm or attack people on their behalf so they can declare innocence or have a scapegoat later on.

9. THEY ARE EMOTIONALLY DANGEROUS AND UNSTABLE

Research shows women narcissists are more likely to struggle with depressive symptoms, mood problems and struggle with anger and jealousy.

10. THERE IS NO “REAL” THEM - JUST MULTIPLE FACADES

narcissists can use superficial charm, charisma or pity to lure people close to them.  They often are friendly, charming, and even passive at first.

The deceptive tactics used by a female narcissist makes them hard to detect, and more successful at using their relationships to get what they want. 

They will often end up using, abusing, or taking advantage of those who they are able to get close to.

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CHILDREN OF NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS

Not everyone is fortunate to have a loving mother – a mother who wishes to see her children thrive.  Narcissistic mothers often set up subtle roadblocks for their children to fail, be unhappy or reliant on them. 

“See What A Good Mother I Am!?”

Narcissistic mothers play "Super Mom" when others are watching. She will make sure anyone who will listen knows what a great parent she is. In fact, she may come across as something of a martyr—a mother who sacrifices her own wants and needs for those of her offspring. 

Behind closed doors, though, she shows little or no genuine interest in nurturing or caring for the child and may subject the child to abuse or neglect.

The narcissistic mother doesn’t see her child as a separate person. Instead, the child is viewed as a personal possession whose sole purpose is to meet her mother’s needs. 

Mother-child interactions are very controlling and any affection is tied to behavior that feeds the mother’s ego. Natural resistance or rebellion on the part of the child is viewed as betrayal and is met with harsh criticism or punishment to bring him or her back in line. In fact, she cannot allow her child to develop “normally” because of her need to mold him or her into exactly who she wants.

Sadly, the inability to feel empathy, a benchmark characteristic of narcissism, is especially destructive to an emotionally developing child. Any hint of weakness or pain from the child is criticized or invalidated unless it can be used to the mother’s benefit.

A child who grows up with a narcissistic mother may inherit a legacy filled with self-doubt, confusion, and guilt as s/he struggles to differentiate who s/he is from the object a narcissistic mother attempted to create and manipulate.

THE ROLE THAT ENVY PLAYS

You may be celebrating a special occasion which incites envy in your mother who needs to diminish your joy in order to experience hers. In the subconscious, the narcissist seethes with envy. "Behind the envy is the rage ... .” 

Perhaps she insults you in front of someone, or she deliberately ignores you, or even uses the event to besmirch you. While you may feel ill at ease by your mother’s attitude and behavior toward you, you have no idea to what length she will go to harm your good name. You feel powerless and wonder why she does what she does.

Fueled by envy, your mother will no doubt try to manipulate and control you, and when she cannot, you will have a power struggle. 

You know that your mother is difficult, but you choose to accept it and go on with your life, living it as a caring, loving person. This will clash with your mother who cannot love and cares for no one. Since she cannot mold you the way she desires, you become her target.

THE NARCISSISTIC MOTHER’S EMOTIONAL DISCONNECT 

When your mother is a narcissist, there is a longing deep in your soul for her that is never satisfied. There is constant tension of you pulling toward her for affection, and her moving away. 

You keep hoping for time alone with her, but she finds other things to do. You do her special favors, but she is never appreciative. You dress up for a happy occasion and instead of noticing you, she points out other girls around you. You seek moments to talk with her, but she chooses to talk to someone else instead. You go out of your way to buy her a gift, and she is ungrateful. You have a happy occasion, and she dismisses it. 

She does not wish to participate in your joy because she has no joy. You find out she had a party, and you were not invited. You tell her that you love her, and she does not answer. You try to help her, and she finds fault with you. 

When you get upset, she gives you a mocking stare that says “at last you are miserable.” You simply cannot please her and never will. When something wonderful happens to you and you sense her envy … you feel at a loss for words.

WHY DO THEY NOT CARE THAT THEY HURT THEIR OWN CHILDREN?

According to forensic psychologists, narcissists do not experience pleasure when witnessing joy in others. Their perception of others’ pleasure arouses only envy and greed in themselves.” The "evil" of a narcissist is their wish to diminish or destroy the joy around them. 

“I’M THE VICTIM HERE!”

Always showing themselves in a helpless light to others is another narcissistic parent sign. Such mothers  will fake injuries and other forms of distress just to gain sympathy from others and to manipulate others to their own agenda. 

If a narcissistic mother is confronted about her behavior, she will turn the tables and portray herself as the victim. she will try to put the blame on the child who dared to complain about them in the first place.

MASTER MANIPULATORS 

Narcissistic mothers are masters at manipulating their kids and others. This makes it difficult for the child to complain to anyone about the situation he or she is stuck in. 

When questioned about their harmful behavior, they will play the victim and manipulate the other person to think that the child is wrong. 

Narcissistic mothers spin a web of lies so that even if the child approaches someone for help, no one would believe that the child is in any kind of danger. The child gets into the downward spiral of depression from where recovery becomes difficult due to their traumatic past.

THE FINAL WEAPON WHEN SHE CAN’T CONTROL HER CHILD

A narcissistic mother uses any and every tool at her disposition to keep her child under her control. However, when all else fails, she will wield the final tool in her arsenal - abandonment through the silent treatment. 

She will isolate herself and stop talking to people around her. She will pretend to be the victim and put the blame on the child for upsetting her. She will make the child feel guilty till the child does whatever it is that she wants. 

EFFECT OF A NARCISSISTIC MOTHER ON THE CHILD

Unfortunately, such behavior from a narcissistic mother over time leads to a loss of self-confidence and self esteem in the child. 

This can lead to one of the two outcomes in the child’s behavior:

1. The child feels that he or she is not good enough and will never be able to do well in life. Since they are always taught that they will never be able to do anything good in life, life starts to lose meaning for them. 
2. The child may keep striving to do good. He or she may find the motivation to prove his or her mother wrong. 

It is possible that the child may recognize the signs and get away from the mother. These kids will spend the rest of their lives trying to pick up the pieces of their soul which were crushed by their mother and put them back together. 

They may feel more motivated than others to excel in their tasks because they were always told they are worthless and now want to prove their mother wrong. However, very few kids are actually able to regain that confidence back without help. No matter how well they do in life, their childhood trauma and the voice of their mother is always in the back of their heads telling them that they don’t deserve recognition or success, they are worthless, selfish, a burden on the parents/partner etc.

WHEN WILL YOUR NARCISSISTIC MOTHER EVER SEE YOUR POINT OF VIEW?

Unfortunately, narcissists will not give up on any argument, no matter how small it might be. They will keep trying to provoke you into saying something that you will regret saying later. 

Once a regretful sentence gets out of your mouth, a narcissistic mother will use it to blackmail you to the point that you fall on your knees and beg for forgiveness for a mistake you never intended to let happen.

You can never win because she will never admit fault and any slip or error you make will be held against you forever. 

HOW TO SURVIVE A NARCISSISTIC MOTHER

The only way to survive a narcissist, whether the person is your mother or not, is to get away. If you feel that your mother is a narcissist, you can save yourself only by going away from her. 

Your mother will never acknowledge the good things you do. She will always be condescending and expect you to be at her beck and call. 

You need to understand that this cycle of humiliation will never stop.

People who show signs of narcissistic parenting cannot be reasoned with because as per them -what they are doing is correct. 

If you propose a meeting with a therapist or counselor, your narcissistic mother will turn the tables on you and accuse you of taking advantage of her good nature.

If you try to talk to your relatives or other adults about your mother’s traits, she will portray herself as the victim and manipulate them as well. Therefore, unfortunately, the only way out of this predicament is to leave your mother and find your own peace and care for your own self and sanity.

So for the sake of your own sanity and future, get away from such mothers before they take over your life completely. 

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IF THIS WAS 100% YOUR MOTHER, IT’S ACTUALLY WORSE THAN YOU THINK…

This information is from multiple articles written by psychologists - not on “Female Narcissists” but on “Female Psychopaths”.  That terminology seemed too harsh to keep repeating, so every place the word “Psychopath” was used in the original articles, it was replaced with the word “Narcissist” in order to make it more palatable to get through.  

If this was 100% your mother, you should do some research of your own and potentially connect with a therapist who specializes in supporting children of Female Psychopaths.