How To Influence, Educate and Enlighten Men

Do you have a partner, romantic interest or male friend who you know has so much more potential for contribution, connection, and happiness, but no matter how many conversations you've had over the years, how many courses, books or articles you've recommended or even the number of hours you've spent in counseling he's still stuck?

It's frustrating to the point of maddening for the woman.

The response of women to conversation and suggestions of things that would be in their benefit generate a different response in general than they do for a man. Men perceive it as criticism, nagging or lack of recognition of how hard they're trying. The act of bringing something to his attention, even when you're doing it to try to help is perceived as an insult or an attack.

So how do you get a man to pay attention to what needs to occur for him to have the type of connection he says he wants from you?

BOUNDARIES & PRESSURE

No amount of conversation or educational material motivates a man who doesn't have enough pressure in his life to compel him to take on what is challenging for his gender. The formula for men is simply boundaries and pressure. The degree of pressure and firmness of the boundary is in direct response to the importance of the safety, dignity, love, and commitment you determine is important to you.

There is no judgment attached to him by your boundaries, only your own sense of self-worth. The higher your standards, the firmer your boundaries and therefor the more pressure it will create for any man who is interested in your company. 

If you've done your own work and have worked through your own wounds from childhood and previous relationships, you have no need to give your energy to a man who is working through his. You'll expect friendships and seek a partner who has completed his work instead of adopting a relationship based on providing mutual therapy to each other. Leave the therapy to the therapists, do your own work and then you'll attract men who have done their own.

A man who is committed to fulfilling his potential and attracting a remarkable woman will choose to do his work himself. He doesn't look to women to fill in the missing pieces or to educate him on ways of being a better partner, father, lover or leader - he chooses a mentor who is living the evidence of this in his life already.

He's a "Grown Man," give him the dignity and the responsibility of acting like one and the opportunity to discover his way. Let go of the fact that you might lose him if he doesn't find the answers because if that's how you're feeling you never had HIM, you only every had the hope of his future potential. Love yourself enough to create the space in your life for the man who is actually LIVING his potential to appear.

As long as you choose to allow yourself the role of being men's mother, buddy, therapist, or undemanding friend you will keep attracting guys who need work. There is a qualitative difference between men committed to doing whatever it takes and guys who live life with excuses and explanations. The evidence is in how they live - believe what their life tells you.

Once you let go of attempting to fix, help, support, educate, change or mold a man and put that energy into you, I guarantee that you will attract everything you desire.