Choose A Man Who Embraces Every Part of You

When I was getting to know Graham I spilled my secret early on - I let him know that I’m highly emotional, sometimes irrational and occasionally get triggered to the degree I can’t handle my emotions.

He told me that he’d never met a woman who never felt overwhelmed by her emotions, but that I was the first one to bring it up before he saw them.

That’s part of what set him up later to encourage me to cry through the end of my big emotions and after two days of non stop tears take me into the shower, and hold me close as the warm water and tears poured.

Too many women attempt to deny, hide or mask the emotions that feel too big to hold space for. While there are certainly many men who can’t hold space for big feminine energy at all, it’s only the ones who can who are relationship ready - so you might as well find that out sooner rather than later.

A client just messaged me to let me know the guy she’d been seeing and trying to keep from knowing that she had anxiety around the early stages of a relationship messaged her after a few random instances of them squirting our without warning.

“You’re a wonderful woman, but I don’t understand or have the time and space to keep up with what’s going on with you.”

You’ve got to learn to be vulnerable early on with men. The ones who have the genuine capacity to hold space just want a clear understanding of the way things look when we can’t hold space for ourself and what they need to do to let us know if they need a break from what’s overwhelming them.

Men need clear permission to take space when our emotions and energy get bigger than they feel safe around and we need to have ways to process through big energy without expecting him to be our main outlet.

Graham is NOT my main processing partner when it comes to big emotions. I’m not his either. We work on developing the ability to hold continually bigger spaces for ourselves and work out triggers and trauma with someone other than each other - that way we bring the best of ourselves to each other.

A big reason we created the Private Mentorship Group was so women would have a tribe of conscious sisters to support them in real time with big emotions. The other piece being able to ask a conscious man what we feel like and the ways a man actually wants to be involved.

As Women we desperately want to be SEEN and chosen but so many don't have the ability to be vulnerable enough to be seen.

Hell, we don’t even want to peel back the layers and look... I mean REALLY look at the parts of us we don’t like. The parts of us we reject, the parts and less you push down push away, the parts of us we have locked up judged ourselves for having us. We so desperately want someone to accept those parts but were too afraid to show him.

When I started peeling back the layers and looking at the parts of me I hated

I judged are you abuse myself for having what I began to see was there was nothing actually wrong with those parts.
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I was sensitive, I had huge energy, I felt things deeply, I laughed loudly, sometimes my brain would make up stupid stories to keep myself safe…

OK, so why was I judging all this? Why did I hate myself for being sensitive being?

As I began to go a little bit deeper I realized that it was my inner child was scared. It was her that decided she was unacceptable…

She didn’t feel safe being her because nobody taught her how to process her emotions. Nobody taught her how to be an emotionally safe and emotionally intelligent woman. So I was stuck stuck between the wounded girl and a conscious woman.

But because I understood this about myself, because I accepted it and was working on it without judging myself, I felt brave enough to reveal it to a man I was just getting to know.

Rather than trying to appear to be more together than I was, I just showed up as an honest work in progress and because he had enough information to know what was going on for me, he didn’t run away. I ran away a few times early on because I couldn’t believe any man would want such a roller coaster of emotions, but he was always waiting when I came back and I’d calmed down with a little processing.

Be vulnerable enough to reveal your truth and wise enough to surround yourself with supportive conscious women who can relate to what you’re feeling and will give you space to work through your big emotions.