The Value of Being a Highly Sensitive Women

How many times have you heard that you're too sensitive? How many times have your feelings been dismissed because you were told you're too emotional or dramatic? 

How many times have you been mocked, yelled at, scolded, or been pushed away for what you were feeling? For me, it was most of my life. 

Most people haven't been able to 'handle' me, they didn't know what to do with that part of me. To he honest, it was hard to know what to do with myself much of the time. 

Did that mean what I was feeling wasn't important or valid? Do highly sensitive people have to suck it up and just accept the world isn't accepting of them? Do we accept being labeled, judged, ignored, misunderstood by others and especially by ourselves?
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I used to wish I was someone else; someone more balanced, calm, and angelic. I used to feel trapped with a brain I couldn't run away from and somedays it felt like a death sentence. 
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I feel everything. I read and observe people, I study energy, body movements, and facial expressions. I take it in and I feel it in my body. I 'feel' when someone close to me is off. Every energy shift sets off my internal alarm and makes me aware something is off. 

Many times I'm unable to articulate the feeling, but I know something is moving through me. Then I process and process and process. It's exhausting when I can't turn it off. 

So how did I learn to accept and love who I am? How did I learn to process all the emotions swirling around and through me? 

First I started to observe my inner self. I practiced being still and mindful and allowed myself to just be present. When I would feel clear and calm I would ask myself a few questions:

1) "Are these *my* emotions I'm feeling or are they someone else's?"

If they were someone else's, I practiced letting them go. 

2) "If they are my emotions, then what is it I'm actually feeling?"

This allowed me to become clear and to learn what the different emotions felt like in my body.

Having the ability to define what it was I was feeling was a huge shift for me. It made me feel less crazed and irrational. 

Next step was allowing myself to feel EVERY EMOTION that came up. No judgment. 

I began letting go of my guilt when I felt frustrated or angry. I allowed myself to feel disappointed and sad. I allowed my tears to flow and my laughter as well. I even learned how to let myself feel tired. 

The 4 years between the end of my marriage and when I met Graham were spent letting go of relationships with people who told me I was too much. Sometimes this meant when I wanted companionship I would be alone, but by refusing to settle I created space for what I truly desired and deserved. 

What I discovered was that there is a man who CAN handle all of me and more. He loves my complicated brain and embraces my emotions. He reacted to my two-day cry by holding me, holding space for me and finally taking me into the shower and telling me to just let myself cry it out to the end. 

I didn't realize how much I'd been holding inside all my life. By crying it out to the end I was finally able to let go of emotions I've been hanging onto for years, and decades in some cases. 

I used to hide this part of me. I used to jump in my car and run. I didn't want anyone to see my ugly side. By allowing myself to believe I was too much, I prevented myself from attracting relationships with people who would embrace and accept every part of me. 

Today I refuse to hide; my emotion, my sensitivity, my empathy, my sexuality - all of these are dynamic expressions of a passionate woman. I won't dull myself because someone else doesn't have the strength to handle my bright light.