You Have The Power In Relationships

You underestimate the power of feminine energy when your goal is absolute control so you can never be hurt rather than creating a space of safety and love that growth can occur in. 

This is not just in partnered relationships, it begins being modeled for almost all of us as children from our parents. The reason we handle relationships badly is because we were raised in an atmosphere of control and shame and so we try to control and are triggered when we are shamed. 

Rather than our parents giving us choice and supporting us for as long as it takes to understand the benefit of behavior to ourselves, they punished us until we behaved. 

That approach has nothing to do with loving someone or believing the best possible about someone, but rather than set actual boundaries that prevent someone from being able to hurt us with their choices, we demand that they only make the choices we want. 

That’s not free will or a space of safety and love. 

The way free will works is that they are given a real choice of everything we have to offer inside of our boundaries and the knowledge that we believe in them and want to be there with them, or we lean back as far as necessary to be out of reach of what is not acceptable to us. 

That may mean we let them know we’ll interact with them only if the tone they use is one that feels respectful. (Disagreeing does not mean it has to be disrespectful). 

It may mean we need to communicate that something they have said or done has hurt us or broken our trust and that we will be leaning back until they do something differently for long enough that the foundation of trust has been rebuilt. 

It may be that the thing is an absolute deal-breaker and that we let go on the spot or that we inform them of this and that if it’s even in the spectrum of that same thing again we will let go. 

All of this can be communicated with dignity and grace, and by doing so they have the greatest opportunity to choose to act out of self-belief rather than shame. 

That’s the only way real growth occurs - because someone they respect is vulnerable enough to believe in them before they’ve proven they’re capable of it. 

WHEN TO LEAN BACK AND WHEN TO LET GO:

What is your risk tolerance? Can you handle having it happen once more before you let go?